Who stole my milk

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It will be a long post …

Embracing couple on houseboat

Ok last time I posted I hit the bottom.  I had negative money in the bank, and I left my honey.  At that moment when I made the decision I must leave now or forever hold my peace, I hit bottom.  I wanted to see if the area where I live brought me bad luck or the man I was with brought me bad luck or, etc. and etc. and etc.

So I took what I could take, rented a car and headed to my mother’s house. Well although I felt I was in turmoil internally I felt some kind of relieves. Well, what could go wrong?

My home life was upside down – and the man I was with had to fence his life all on his own. Amazingly, he landed a contract that was so huge it carried him through life for few months. I, on the other hand, landed a contract on my own – worth to the tune of $100k a year, free housing, and two dogs to keep me warm in the winter month.

We still talked and probably we find our way back to each other. Maybe I was right – maybe the place was jinxed – I look so much better than I was  in years. I lost few lbs and I got my groove back.  I still love him a lot, and we learned a lot about each other during those months we are apart. And now amazingly, we will still be not together but our finances are so much better.

Let’s, me ask you question my readers – do you think love is more important than money? Alternatively, money is just as important as love??? Well, love is the most important in my book. However, love does not mean possession and hold tight to each other afraid others may steal him or her from us. Love allows a person to do what they feel is important to them, and we just keep loving them.  Now at this juncture having seen the angel faces of my dogs and the love of my honey, I feel that I made  the right decision to leave and to save my soul – At the very least, I know what we did have is true – true love can never die, and it can only transform.

Do I do it again? Yes in a heart beat but honestly I would not or could not survive another episode – maybe this time we talk it out, and we find the way to make it work – sometimes the only way is to leave –

Self Sabotage


Geez just like when you thought you’re safe to get into the water here comes the shark.  As you know one of my last gigs was with this small company.  The president of this company was an idiot but he made it so you know he was doing something right. any way I was making about 1k+ a week and man I was feeling very good about it.  I thought of soon I will buy that Roadtrek I love so much and … …. ….  OK then one day I did something so easily fixable but having this controlling freak of a boss it did not go well with him. This guy policy was not allowed me to do anything without asking him first and I am a type that dropping the balls at work personality so you know it did not go well when you made the decision and OOPS it was a mistake and no matter how big or small if that mistake bordered line on shit you aren’t giving the permit to your decision you’re dead, man.  So I was out of the job that fast. Fast forward to today I realized that I was programmed to fail and/or my upper ceiling is less than 1k+ a week and so crap! it’s too good and it’s time to lower it now …

Watch out for this my friend – go to youtube and learn how to do tapping and get rid of this ceiling. Better yet if you’re a woman you want to check Marie Forleo youtube channel. Here’s her mantra – “when it comes to joy and success, my built-in upper limit is completely adjustable” – Marie Forleo.  The ceiling is for everyone as everyone has a ceiling no matter how much money you gona make if your ceiling is set lower you’ll self sabotage. I advice that you program for both “joy” and “success” as separate issue but not put both in the same sentence.


Know thy self!


Ok on my last post I was on the verge of penniless, and you knew yesterday my account reflected the awesome amount of -77 bucks. Holy smoke. Luckily, my boyfriend has some cash in his hand, so he deposited into my account to keep it from going seriously under.  Well, the bank will come knocking, and probably it will add another $30.00 penalty.  Ok so I was pretty much at the bottom right? Well – although considering everything at this writing man I got it made.  My dream of having a friend who will help me launches some of my products and who knows the marketing side of thing has been materialized.  I probably have what it takes to succeed but having failures so many times I started to doubt myself about it.  Nevertheless, having another set of eyeballs is great.  I also signed on a coach. Consider that – no money but signed on a coach for about $1500.00 deep into my credit card to ensure my future success.

I avoided this coaching thing all of my life – but you know you NEED A COACH in all areas of your life.  You need someone who has gone steps before you, and that person has MADE it in the areas where you want to excel in.  One of the things he taught me is already worth $1500.00. I paid him. Now he is too will look into my marketing strategies, and he will tell me – yay or nay. You need this you know otherwise you will learn it sometimes later but with a coach, it will save you years of delusional like in my case.

And to the rescue is a life-long faithful friend who gave me his credit card and told me  – use it and buy food, water, and never let yourself go hungry. Man I feel so blessed I really really really really really AM.

I am RICH beyond anything in this world and beyond.

Yes, I am so rich – AND YOU know I sit here Saturday morning, having a cup of my honest-to-goodness great cup of coffee; my pastry is in my hand now, and I so enjoy my moments of solitude and abundant.  The bank balance is ok $8.99. However, I feel I am one of the most riches people in the world. I do what I want with my time, nobody is bothering about anything, and my friend told me to cash out if I needed cash. Can I ask for more? Nope … I am happy, content and thank you GOD (capital G) for all of your blessings in my little life.

Let’s bow now to pray for you who read my post and still feeling to really sucks because you have no money in the bank – no love to hold you – no friend, and you may be homeless … let’s pray – Dear God; I want to pray for those who are less fortunate than me that today a someone will come to their lives and give them something they need at this moment. No matter, what it is they need you will send guardian angels to sooth their burden hearts and lift it to the highest even for a moment. Be prepared to receive my friend because it’s coming.

Thank you for reading,


Stop Stop Stop


Since my last post of my current financial dire strait, I realized that everything happens for a reason, and I am not going to sweat it. As you know, yesterday, my friend told me he would loan me 1k to survive my contemporary crisis. Thank you G. The big G. It is not Google’s people.  As of this writing I know for a certain fact, I was single out for some kind of wacky entertainment for the power that be to see how sweat I can become, if and whether or not my home life was going to be affected and yes whether or not my faith remains intact.  I must say the experiment is borderline on cruelty, but you know fire forges’s gold and so soon I know I will become 24Karat now.  Ok I settle for 18Karat because 24K, although is valuable is bendable.

I have to laugh sometimes my readers – because if I don’t I would go bonker.  And who is saying that meditation will manifest money is absolutely not in the league of the saints.  Let’s, me tell you right now. The higher you go in the echelon of the Gods and Sainthood the less likely anything of predictable outcome can be expected. After all, you are grown up now and there are some cruelties experiments reserve exclusively for people like myself.  However, one thing for SURE you’re indeed can manifest anything you want. nevertheless, once you are ONE with the DIVINE It’s HIS will that is a matter here and not YOUR will.  So you people out there remember this asks, and you shall receive.  You’re so much in a hurry to become I and my Father are one stage remember the next stage up. It’s His will shall be done.

So enjoy your childhood as long as you can. You know the stage where you are in the cradle of your beloved namely the Inner Self the magnificent being resided in the chamber of your own heart … that stage is best – as just ask away my child and your wish is my command.

I hope you enjoy my sense of humor. After all let’s, me tell you another thing about God. He/She has great sense of humor.  hahahahahahahahhaha.

Money and value of self worth


I have realized lately that when yourself  worth is broken it seems you don’t make money, and even if you did make money you would find ways to thrash it. Today I feel heavy and strangely sad for my life thus far. Although the power that be seemed to block my progress, and I personally feel it is to see how I feel about it. Without a job or money in the bank, how would we feel as human being? Honestly, it should not make us feel any less than who we are because lack of it, but you know somehow it made us feel less than we are.  I am one of the most talented individuals in the world or even in this universe I called Earth, and I probably have direct contact of the divine yet one move after another, I ended up here in this tiny trailer.  I do not mind where I live really but having no money in the bank some how making me feel sad. It is not without trying I must tell you. So I keep to meditate and meditating, and I am still meditating. Not on the money but on the life in general. I’ve helped men who were less talented than me having a home, a career, a thing that without my help, there is no fucking way they could make it. However, in this moment of my life, I have totally 70 dollars to my name. Money comes for sure – a friend told me to cash in $1000 from my credit card and paid for my rent, and for my other expenses so God does take care of me, but you know I still feel sad and broken. Does money mean this much to me? How’s about live your life one day at a time? Money is very important but the question is nagging at me here, and it is not about lacking money but WHY? Why am I not making money? Why everything is falling apart? What is it that the universe telling me?

The saddest part of this as I’d recalled was – I worked, and I worked, and I worked and many times my dog just laying at my feet. He was so bored. Something was eating at me every night for few months prior to his death- Take him out to the beach and play with him. I love my dog more than life itself but what was it that driven me to work like that and why?

I sat and sat and sat and sat and sat, and you know at the end – the fruit of my labor is to work for somebody else – but at my last job, this jerk fired me because … I had no idea why … but I knew I worked my fucking best – So I got very discouraged, and I wanted to make it on my own. How sedulously is this? Another truth IT IS NOT HARD. But why couldn’t I make it? Why couldn’t I make it? Why couldn’t I make it? why?  why? why? why? why?

Anyway,  I pray for your life, and I pray that you make it, and even if you don’t, and that you have someone who supports you. This man who I am with, I helped him for the last four years – all with my own money who came to my office every day and asked why nothing is coming out of my effort.  I know he may mean well, but I wanted to yell and scream and told him – please go away – push yourself but not me -I am tired of your pushing me. If you don’t like the fact that I don’t make any money – I will leave you, and I will never look back. Even if I have to be on the street tonight my God, I will do it. So you know I am tough inside, but something is eating me inside. The inability to make money on my own is eating me. I vow to never work for anyone again even if I die trying.

Working at Medical Spa

5350218-1669x2513My previous job was at a medical spa in West Palm beach.  The doctor in charge was a nice woman and her husband is running the show. I learned so much about how to make my skin beautiful. Something about collagen production and injectable fillers. Well I was explained by the doctor one day that botox is actually wrinkles relaxer – it is not really like collagen injection but some kind of solution to freeze that area of your face so you won’t pinch your face too much. Some people just did it and they did not even consciously know they did it. So over time the crease was getting deeper and deeper.

For one I was happy to see there are alternatives to make myself looking young when I am reaching the wrinkles stage. Well at this time I probably need a little bit face re contouring- somewhere in my jaw line I saw the lines aren’t smooth and sharp any more.

Today I am working at another job and I really like it alot.  The guy who is my supervisor is a very talkative kind of guy. well i just sat there and did my job. It’s ok I guess. I got paid almost $2200 more than my last job at the health spa. I was happy to get away. It had become headaches going to work literally.

What is on your plate today?


Getting back from a group meditation in Orlando Florida.  The sky was blue and we were driving back to Fort Lauderdale in silence. The weather in South Florida is always nice.  The people in South Florida??? not sure — Many comes to this sunshine state to enjoy the warm weather.  My mom and dad are living in St Louis Missouri and today they called us and complained how cold it was. A friend who is living in Chicago Illinois was having the same problem. Are we experiencing with the global warming? Maybe we are.  Today in our group meditation we’ve heard some unpleasant news.  Our group header is going to leave us soon and we won’t have any successor.  So it is now or never we must meditate deeply and well.

Now that I am writing to this line I am just wondering who stole my milk today? I guess today the person to blame is just the way life is.  Sometimes you feel good and sometimes you feel bad.  Others will be standing by to steal your milk if you let it. I am a strong believer in being your brother’s keeper and that means if I don’t want my milk to be stolen I better hid it.

Having a blog is difficult to keep up much less to write till your bones are tired and wary and perhaps somebody who will come through here by way of the world wide web to give me their 2 cents and then 2 more cents from another stranger and then when it is reached the epic success of millions visitors a day I will then sell my advertising space.

Is life all about making money and/or achieving temporary happiness? I am not sure sometimes. It feels to me as if everyday I am laboring over my pc writing something meaningful to my own existence just to get it off my chest but you know writing is sometimes so soul soothing especially the day like today when someone you love very much will soon leaving this world of mine forever.  Granted that person is not gone as if you would believe my dog died few months ago and he chat with me all the time – especially the first 7 days after his death. I could hear him telling me – mommy after 7 days you will feel better. Yes I did and the subsequent conversations with an animal communicator who told me details he would not have known telling me that our soul lives on … Honestly I don’t really care if you believe me or not because if you don’t no matter what I said you will still not believe in me. I know for certain fact as real to me as the words I am writing to you now … that we never die. We just transform either into ethereal body or physical body. Nevertheless I could not bring myself to put his bed away.  My love for my dog lives on forever in my heart.

Today yes someone is stealing my milk alright –